An Hour in the Darkness Read online

  It sure seemed to take Ronnie’s boss a long time to reach me. I had plenty of time to stand and watch Ronnie. Boy, but did she look pretty that day. The light shining through the cracks in the market roof lit her face up in the most delightful way. Beyond the market hall, rain sparkled in bright gaps. It was a beautiful thing. I’m convinced of it. I could hear music from somewhere. I think it was from the CD stall behind me. Ronnie’s dark eyes glittered like beads and her mouth was nervous in a way I liked. I wanted her to be tough – of course I did – but I also wanted her to have a sweet side. If she hasn’t got all that fear and tenderness in her eyes, well, it’s just not worth it. Not in my book anyway. Not in the long run.

  Well, I moved in for the kill, but Ronnie’s boss cut me off at the pass. From being about a thousand miles away he was suddenly right in front of me. He was so near, in fact, I could have pulled the match out of his mouth with my own teeth. I could smell him too. He smelled of fruit. He was the real fruit man, not me.

  “Listen, buster,” he snarled. “Clear off.”

  That nearly killed me. Calling me buster like that as if we were in a gangster film or something. I was shaking like a madman though. It was all pretty intimidating, if you really want to know. He was like some crazy James Dean or something. I really hate all that macho confrontation stuff, don’t you? I thought he was going to take the match out of his mouth and strike it on my clean, white, innocent throat.

  “James Dean was gay, you know.”

  It was a cheap shot even for me.

  “Scram.”

  “I forgot my fruit yesserday,” I drawled.

  I was trying to act like an American gangster myself or something. I kill myself sometimes, saying things like yesserday instead of yesterday. Listen, I warned you I can be a pretty funny guy when I want to.

  “Okay, buster, just buy your fruit and clear off. And don’t start any of that crazy stuff again. I don’t want you scaring my staff, okay?”

  It made me laugh a little more when he said “my staff” like that, like he had about a million people working for him. We both knew damn well that Ronnie was the only person who ever helped him out. Anyway, I told him I wouldn’t disturb all his staff, I just wanted to buy some goddamn fruit for the weekend, if that was alright.

  So anyway, I wandered, real casual, up to the stall and Ronnie started eyeing me up and down like I was a bleeding murderer or something. I started to examine the fruit on sale like I was a connoisseur from Del Monte or something. It was all just a game really. Ronnie asked me real politely if there was anything I wanted, and I sort of went along with it and pointed to different types of fruit I reckoned I might need for the weekend, and old Ronnie started putting them carefully into a bag, and eyeing me real suspiciously at the same time as if she thought I might explode at any moment.

  And I was doing well, really well, and old James Dean was happily sucking his match at the back of the stall again. Things were back to normal. Ronnie’s boss shouted over to Ronnie that he was going to fetch a cup of tea because it was so damn cold. I wanted to shout back that if he did a bit more work then he might warm up a little. He didn’t even ask Ronnie if she wanted a drink, for Chrissake.

  Anyway, after he’d gone I sort of lost it again. You know, thinking about the song and the magic string, and everything, and how I might as well try to get hold of it before it floated out of my life forever.

  “So, do you come here often?” I said. I was just warming things up, if you like.

  “What?”

  Ronnie looked scared and it shook me a little.

  “Oh just shut up and kiss me, you crazy fool,” I said.

  I switched my twinkling eyes back on and old Ronnie got the full, dazzling effect.

  “Don’t start all that nonsense again, okay? I’m warning you this time.”

  “You cut me to the quick, you know?” I tried to sound all wounded. I was all wounded, I admit it.

  “Is there anything you want?”

  “What sayeth you, fair maiden, would you care to ride with me upon my trusty white steed?”

  I was sure playing up to the camera. She must have thought I was really out to impress her with all that trusty white steed stuff.

  “Don’t start all that mental crap with me again, okay?”

  “Listen, Ronnie, old sport, old fruit, why don’t we just cut to the chase? Throw down your fruit and let’s get married like they did in the good old days before the war. What war? I don’t know. Any war. Let’s just do it anyway. Just me and you and a dog name Boo. And Jenny, of course. Jenny loves a church wedding more than anything in the world.”

  “Please go away,” she said.

  Ronnie sure sounded sore about something.

  “I will only go away with you.”

  “Are you sick?”

  “Sick with love,” I whimpered.

  I picked up an apple for some reason as if that were the only way to prove something like that. Love had got me all confused, I admit it.

  “Geoff will be back any minute and he won’t be too happy if he finds you’re still here.”

  I think Geoff was her boss. I must admit, I sure as hell hated old Geoff at that moment. What with Ronnie saying his name all familiar like that, and not mine.

  “My name’s Arthur,” I said.

  “Hello Arthur,” said Ronnie. She sure didn’t sound too friendly when she said it either.

  Boy, did I make a big mistake. My name’s not even Arthur. My name’s Franklin. I’m always doing that. Saying my name’s Arthur, or something, when it isn’t. I must think it’s clever or something. It’s not clever though, because now Ronnie would always call me Arthur, and not Franklin, and I’d never hear her say my real name. I thought about telling her that my name wasn’t Arthur, it was Franklin, but I didn’t want her to think I was some kind of mental case or something.

  “Arthur and Ronnie,” I said, rolling my eyes some. “Sounds like a match made in heaven.”

  “It sounds more like a tragedy,” said Ronnie.

  “Hey, you’re funny. No really, do you love me yet?”

  “Why do you talk so loud? You’re just about shouting.”

  “You know me, I shoot from the lip. I’ll shout it from the rooftops if you want?”

  I got down on one knee. Boy, it sure was wet and cold down on the ground and all.

  “Where are your parents? Do they know you’re out on your own like this?”

  “They lock me up, but I escape each night and run back to you.”

  “Get up, it’s wet down there. There’s fruit all over your trousers, you great nit.”

  I stood up. Ronnie was right. There was indeed a great wet patch on my trousers.

  “Why don’t you go home?” Ronnie said, more tenderly than before. “Before Geoff gets back and sees that you’re still here.”

  “Your heart is my home now.”

  Boy, my knee sure did feel all messy and cold.

  “Do you know what my favourite book is?” I said.

  “I don’t care.”

  “It’s A Padded Room with a View. Only kidding, of course. I joke around a lot really. I have to joke about the serious things. It’s the only way I can say them, I suppose. I can’t say the serious things in a serious way. It’s a tragedy, I know.”

  “You’re the tragedy,” she said. “I feel sorry for you.”

  I reached down and touched the knee of my trousers where they were wet. And then Ronnie suddenly smiled and I knew that I almost had her.

  “I always get you in the end,” I said.

  I knew that I had my hand on the magic string. I didn’t have it for long though because Geoff decided to come back at that moment and I shut up shop sharpish. I started to pick over the fruit again. I winked at Ronnie every few seconds, and moved my shoulders up and down in a real comical way because Geoff was behind me, but Ronnie didn’t seem to see the funny side of it. She stopped smiling. I think it was because old Geoff had come back and she didn’t wan
t to lose her crummy job.

  “Is he still here?” said Geoff, loud enough for the whole wide world to hear, if you don’t mind.

  “Yes,” said Ronnie.

  “Is he behaving himself?”

  It sure made me want to chuckle when old Geoff said “is he behaving himself?” like that, like I was just a naughty schoolboy, or something.

  “Yes,” said Ronnie. “He’s pretty harmless, really. He doesn’t frighten you half as much the second time around. You start to feel a little bit sorry for him after a while. I don’t think he’s right in the head.”

  Ronnie sure was sweet about the whole thing. You know, telling old Geoff that I didn’t frighten her anymore, and everything. Listen, before you try and win over the love of your life, you’d better make sure she isn’t frightened of you, okay, because a thing like that sure can ruin a relationship.

  Anyway, I sort of turned to old Geoff and fluttered my eyelashes a couple hundred times or more to show him I was “quite harmless”, like old Ronnie had said. Old Geoff just sneered though because that is all his type can do in that kind of situation. I think the love we radiated between us – me and Ronnie – just sort of squeezed him out of the picture, if you really want to know, and he sort of felt like he was intruding, which he was.

  Anyway, things weren’t the same after old Geoff came back and I sort of dissolved into the background where I felt more comfortable. When I left the market I sort of held my hand out and announced to everyone that I was leaving for the day, but nobody seemed to notice.

  I always make a big entrance. I come joking and playing up to the party and everybody thinks, wow, who’s this dude? But by the time I leave they’ve all more or less forgotten who I am. I can’t keep it up, I suppose – you know – all the humorous banter. Well, you just can’t, can you? It’s a sad thing, of course it is, and I wish it were different, but it isn’t. Hey, live with it, okay, because those first few minutes – when you’re shining and everything – are like magic. Enjoy those moments because they’re gone so quickly and you’re going to spend the rest of your life trying to get them back. Those first few minutes are just the best though, aren’t they Jenny?

  5

  I didn’t go back to my room after that. How could I? Not after the drama of the day. I decided to get a bus from Leicester and go visit Bradgate Park. I sure felt like I was on top of the moon or something. What with old Ronnie almost laughing like that and thinking I was funny, and telling old Geoff that I didn’t frighten her anymore. They sure were the good times. I sure as hell figured that if someone tells somebody else you don’t frighten them then they must like you a hell of a lot. I really thought old Ronnie liked me a hell of a lot back then.

  I sat and stared out of the bus window. The glass was mucky and I couldn’t see out much. That crazy bus driver drove like a maniac until I was practically thrown off the seat, for Chrissake. We passed the stone lions and when the water in the fountain brightened the gaps in the dirty window it made me want to cry for some reason. I think I was feeling pretty romantic in general about things. I used to go to Bradgate Park with Jenny. We sure used to have a lot of fun in the old days, when we were just kids and everything.

  When we reached Bradgate Park I gave the bus driver a sour look, but he just ignored me. I think he was the kind of bus driver who enjoys it when his passengers are waltzed around in their seats like that. I decided to climb the hill and take a look at Old John. Listen, Old John is a ruined castle that stands on top of a hill or something. Listen, it isn’t even a hill, it’s a goddamn mountain. When you climb up to Old John you have to avoid the rocks that stick out of the grass and try to cut through the bottom of your shoes. I’d forgotten how steep it was and I had to stop halfway up because I was getting so damn tired all of a sudden. Listen, I’m not a very fit person, okay?

  I looked up and saw Old John shining in the wet mist of the sky above me. It was all very artistic and poetic, like in the Scriptures. Listen, there’s always a grey, wet mist wrapping itself around Old John, okay? I think it’s because Old John almost reaches the sky. Old John is about a million years old and from the top of the mountain you can just about see the whole world. You should see Old John at sunset though, you really should, because it’s just about the most beautiful thing in the world. Old John looks at its best at sunset. What I mean is this, if I can try and explain it to you some, if you’ll just let me, okay? If you go to Bradgate Park at sunset and stare up at Old John, it will practically burst into flames in front of your eyes. And Old John is so high, they say in Leicester that you can see it from the moon. Well, I was on the moon that day because Ronnie had all but fallen in love with me and I swear I could definitely see Old John.

  When I reached the top I suddenly had the urge to roll back down again. That’s how I was feeling about things. I wanted to lie on my back and roll down the mountain to find out if you could do it without dying. I also needed to know if it would make you dizzy for the rest of your life. Ronnie sure made me dizzy when I thought about her. I sure as hell loved Ronnie a lot back then, I guess.

  I sat down on the grass next to Old John and just stared at the sky. Then I lowered my eyes and looked over Leicester. I was hoping I would see Ronnie, and Jenny. I thought that maybe if I stood up and waved they would see me. Anyway, I did stand up and I did wave. My head was in a bad place back then, I know.

  There was another guy there. He was standing close to the edge, peering down the mountain, and I thought he was going to jump off. It looked to me, at least, like he was thinking about suicide. He had a bright red scarf on and, because I was ill, I thought it was the prettiest scarf I had ever seen. The man looked like Michael Caine in The Muppet Christmas Carol and I thought it would be a shame if he jumped off because Jenny loves The Muppet Christmas Carol more than anything in the world. She loves the song that Belle sings to the young Scrooge, while the old Scrooge – Michael Caine – is hanging about in the background, crying like a mad man, and wishing he’d lived his life differently. Listen, Michael, we all wished we’d lived our lives differently.

  Jenny used to sing that song about a million times a day until it just about drove everyone crazy. I sure would love to hear her sing it one more time though. Boy, I think I started loving The Muppet Christmas Carol about as much as Jenny did, sitting next to Old John like that. I looked for the man with the red scarf again, but he’d disappeared and I got real scared because I thought he must have jumped. Then I saw the scarf again, blinking, through a patch in the mist, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I sure as hell didn’t want to tell Jenny that old Scrooge from The Muppet Christmas Carol had jumped off the top of Old John, because it would have broken her heart.

  I sure felt close to God up there. I don’t know. I got to thinking that maybe God lived inside Old John and so I started to stare real hard at the door in case he suddenly came out. And then he did come out, and he came and sat next to me, and it was real spooky, and religious, and pious, and my heart was beating like crazy.

  Listen, I wasn’t crazy. I knew at the back of my mind that it wasn’t God, it was only the man with the red scarf, but I so wanted to be a believer back then, okay? I wanted this guy to take away my sins or something. I don’t know. And when God came and sat down next to me, we chewed the fat for a while and I sort of felt glad he was there. Jenny told me that I only thought it was God because of the bang on the head, and I suppose she was right. Listen, Jenny is usually right about these things, okay?

  Anyway, old God asked me if I was feeling alright, and I said I was and thanked him for asking. I think he knew all about the bang on the head, what with him being God and everything. He asked me if I realised I had been talking out loud to myself about The Muppet Christmas Carol. It was all a little embarrassing, even for me. I told him I did that sometimes. I said I was glad he’d pointed it out though and I sure as hell would try not to do it again in the near future. Obviously I didn’t use the word hell in his Holy Presence; give me some credit. I
asked him if I could stay and talk to him, so that I didn’t look strange if anybody else came along. He smiled and said he didn’t mind at all. I suppose that’s his job when you come to think about it. He was listening to his flock. I sure was glad he was there though because there were a few things I wanted to ask him.

  “What’s your name?” God asked me.

  “Franklin,” I said.

  You couldn’t lie to old God like you could to Ronnie. I figured old God knew my name anyway and was just testing me.

  “Do you live around here?” he said.

  “I was born in Birstall, but I’m living in the city at the moment. I’ve left home, you see, God. I live near the Angel Gateway.”

  He didn’t seem to mind me calling him God like that and saying it quickly to catch him all off-guard, and everything. I thought it was a good idea to mention the bit about living near Angel Gateway too. He smiled and nodded his head in that godly way of his and I figured he was pretty damned pleased that I had chosen to live there.

  “Do you miss your parents?” he said.

  Boy, that sure took me by surprise.

  “Yeah sure, everyone misses their parents when they leave home, don’t they?”

  “Have you spoken to them since you left?”

  Boy, old God was sure interested in my parents all of a sudden.

  “No, sir, no, siree. I haven’t seen them much, make no mistake. I saw my dad though. I think I blinked too much. I sure am a disappointment to him. Say, do you know why that is?”

  I think old God was impressed when I addressed him as sir like that, all of a sudden and out of the blue.